MR. BROWN'S A CLOWN

We were invited one night, my girlfriend and I to a special sweat-lodge ceremony. It was a full moon and it was a beautiful summer evening. The ceremony was being held in honor of Sandy. Sandy was dying of cancer and was going to die any day. She had come to the Costa Maya in hopes of acquiring a traditional Mayan log canoe. Her wish was to board the canoe and sail out into the ocean never to return.

The logistics of organizing such an endeavor were unsuccessful. The special canoe could not be built in time.

Instead a special sweat-lodge ceremony was to be performed for Sandy.

We entered the sweat lodge one at a time after an initial cleansing/purification right. Our shaman "Daniel" said a short poem and passed an incense urn over us purifying us with the smoke of copal. One by one we entered the dark lodge. Rocks were already heated and waiting inside. A bucket of blessed water was also present as well as a number of rattles and percussion blocks. We all knelt on the hard surface. Daniel started the ceremony.

All spoken words for the ceremony were in a native Mayan tongue. Water was poured on the rocks releasing steam and we were instructed to perform various acts either kneeling, sitting or standing as high as we could in the lodge, which had a low ceiling. We were given chants to perform alone and as a group. Certain touches and chants were sent around the room meaning you passed it on to the person next to you.

The first phase went on for a considerable length of time and the heat was intense. The steam level was raised to the maximum and I was not alone in declaring that I could barely breath or withstand the unbearable heat. But the ceremony went on, any and all complaints ignored by Daniel. We were driven to our maximum thresh-hold, then released. The blanket over the opening was opened, fresh cool air stormed in and we jostled out, one by one under the moonlight. There we all stood, quiet, and bewildered.

Rocks were being heated while we were inside and our break was not to last long. Back into the lodge we went, one by one.

Seated along the back wall this time water was poured on the rocks and the steam was released in a massive explosion that almost tore our heads off. The heat was powerful and Daniel sang loud and passionately while we sat struggling to breathe. Lowering our heads and passing around a wet towel we regained our composure and the ceremony commenced.

We sang songs and did many chants. We stamped our feet on the ground in a rhythm that backed up our chanting. We used the rattles and percussion instruments and those that did not have an instrument clapped their hands or stamped their feat.

The sound was intense. We were all aware of Sandy and there was not a person in the room who was not thinking about her, I'm sure. She sang and chanted knowing this would be her last time in the sweatlodge. Her two best friends were with her as well as her 14-year-old son who was a real kule kid. Everyone sang loud but her son could not.

Phase two of the ceremony ended and we all exited the lodge for some fresh air. We smoked a cigarette and let the cool breeze flow through our hair while we gazed at the moonlight shining on the ocean.

Daniel called us and we entered the lodge again. The initial steam was released but this time we were all getting used to it and there was barely a sigh. With that Daniel plunged more water on the rocks then more. Now it was excruciating and I thought I was going to pass out. It was an inferno and I could not breathe. I gasped for air through a wet towel and put my face on the floor of the lodge. I was not alone down there. Daniel said a new prayer then sat down and spoke.

It was time now for everyone to speak his or her heart and say what was in their heart right at that moment.

We each held the hand of the person next to us and one by one we each took a turn in the pitch-black lodge. One by one, each person spoke their heart. Then it was Sandy's son's turn. I will never forget his soft voice as he asked God why his mother had to die. He begged for a miracle or more time at least. His closing words were drowned out by the silence of the room and the tears. Sandy was next. She thanked the creator for the life she had led. She thanked the creator for her son. She said she was sorry that she was going to die and asked her son to forgive her. My turn was next. I was however left speechless.

We said a prayer together and exited the lodge.

Everyone was silent. There were a couple attempts at conversation but they were met with pitched silence. All you could hear was the mild crash of waves on the deserted beach.

The palm trees waved back and forth, nobody was paying attention to anything really. The only voices were Daniel's assistant advising Daniel that the rocks were ready.

We entered the lodge for the forth and last time. We had traveled a journey together, we in the lodge that special evening. It was now time to celebrate. To celebrate life. To pass the steam through our lungs and feel the heat of the earth. We sang. We sang loud and hard. We chanted together and felt each other's love as we danced and sang in that lodge. And before we knew it, the ceremony was over.